Exam 1

     

Exam 1

      I needed to have the peace of my home and avoid the stress of everyday life that could affect my self-observation skills so I decided to choose a Saturday. On Saturdays, I am always at my home. Every Friday afternoon my parents go to pick me up at Loyola and every Sunday they return me. This Saturday had passed like almost every other Saturday. We decided to go aimlessly, mixed conversations and background music led the way.

      As the day went by, I realized several things about my relationship with my parents and sisters. It was different with each of them. With my mother, it was just me. Without masks, without hiding anything. I spoke what I thought and usually did not put any filter on what I spoke or did. With her, my communication went beyond just face-to-face conversations. We could speak through signs, looks or meaningless words. There was nothing we could not talk about. With my sisters, communication changed a lot. It was motherly and many times more childish. I realized that I am very overprotective with them and I tend to overwhelm them. I think if they gave me a coin for every time, I tried to protect them from imaginary fears ... believe me, I would be richer than Jeff Bezos. Everything changes with my father. With the note as I was more cautiously, I had more masks than I could count and was already prejudiced trying to find the right words and topics. Don't get me wrong, he's not a bad father, much less an abusive one. Only he has a closed mind, a mind that still lives in the past, in an ideal world, where everyone must be is perfect and conservative traditionalists. So, it's hard to talk to him about the now, when he only believes in the past and traditional ways.

      The day was still happening, and I had no face-to-face conversations with strangers. But if I noticed how many turned to hear us speak Spanish, how they later noticed our clothes and our purchase before we passed by. Notice many children staring at us because they did not know or did not understand what they heard. And although I would have preferred not to notice it, I noticed some faces of contempt as we walked to hear us speak Spanish. I believe that I can't fully understand how that made me feel. Well, with every conversation I have always tried to just see the person. Set aside your color, clothes, body or makeup. Perhaps because I have experienced rejection and contempt for material and unimportant things. But not everyone has the same experiences.

      The time has come to put aside my phone for an hour. The wonderful thing about it is that I hadn't used my phone all day. I don’t depend on my phone to make my day, to entertain or to update what happening every second in the world and I learn it in a hard way. Maybe if I had done this exercise several years ago it would have been difficult for me. But as I said earlier some experiences shape you for a lifetime and September 20, 2017, was that day for me. This day was the day that Hurricane Maria hit Puerto Rico. A hurricane that left many homeless and all the rest left us without water, electricity and telephone service for months (some even for a year). My family had to live it for three months (only three months since we had to move to the United States to operate my younger sister). So, living without water, light, and technology made me very aware of my use and dependence. It also made me be wise on how long and for what I was going to use my phone. At that moment the phone was just a tool for survival. The phone shows us where to go for food, water or gas. We relearn how to talk with people for fun, we learn to play board games, we learn to ask people how they feel and what they need. This shows me a new way to express with people and more than emoji or Facebook, we learn how to care about someone. Living 3 months by candlelight, looking for water in government wells and as entertainment, face-to-face communication made me love, value and appreciate every little thing in my day today. Like the people around me, the trees ignored by most, and above all made me understand that there is much beyond what is on my screen. Since that day my new adventure every day begins when I turn off the phone and connect to the real world. This exercise should be part of our lives every day so we can learn about our selves and about who is at our side.