Blog 4

   

Blog 4

      Since last week I was at home, I decided that I would do some meditation in my room. I proceed to lock myself in my room to avoid any distractions but just before starting a small knock on the door gets my attention. Was my sister, the youngest of my sisters (she is only 7). I tell her to come in and with a mischievous smile, she asks me “Why do you have your door closed? You know mommy doesn't like it. She will scold you. ” And then she asks me what I was doing. I explain to her and invite her to do it with me. With a simple that boring, she walks out of my room and closed the door behind her. I reset the clock and start again. With a 1… 2… 3… I try to stop my thoughts and just think about the present. My fight begins. The fight with the monster that I created. That monster that I have fed so much that I don't have control any longer. That monster that I cant distinguishes because it has become one with my being. Here again, trying to stop my mind. Trying to stop that monster that I know is not only hurting me but also damaging my relationship with my family and my sisters. As the minutes passed my mind brought what I had read from Frankenstein's book and although I could not silence my mind I was able to write this blog.

      By reading Frankenstein's book and even though it speaks of a physical monster (and some of the mental monsters as me), I was able to relate to it and visualize it in my life. Like Victor during a period of my life, my purpose was to create a monster. Maybe unconsciously, maybe not. Where, while Victor was fascinated and obsessed with anatomy, death, and alchemy, I was fascinated and obsessed with every defect in my body and the comments of the people around me. Little by little, we created our monsters. Monsters that when they came to life and took control we were so scared that instead of fighting we wanted to make them disappear by themselves and we ran away. While Victor did it physically, I just ignored them every day and waited for one day to them disappear alone. Until, like Victor that thought the monster had murdered his sibling, I began to notice that my relationship with my sisters and family was being damaged.

      So this is where meditation comes into my life. And as I had already mentioned in some previous blogs. “Zen Meditation had become something bigger and more important. It had become a way to learn to control my mind ”(Blog 3, Ruiz Sierra). To gain control over that monster. And to be able to live day by day as the youngest of my sisters. Where she still doesn't see gender, race or status. Where she still thinks she is beautiful, although she is not combed. Where she still laughs when she falls. Where she makes friends the stranger and feels sorry for who trait her badly. And that she simply lives her life according to her desires and her interests without seeking to please or impress anyone. Saying no or whatever she is thinking without regret or regret. Because in the end, and according to the Bible Jesus said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven." (Matthew 18,3).