How to Deal With Grief

Death has struck my family twice during the month of February, causing my spring break to begin with the funeral of my beloved aunt, preceded by my uncle’s funeral in the midst of February. Their premature deaths ignited multiple anxiety attacks and intrusive thoughts to erupt within me: Who is next? What am I going to do without my mother, my siblings, my grandmother? These uninvited thoughts continuously trampled past the weak guards of my mind; it’s all I could think about. During my anxiety attacks it is extremely difficult to ground myself and snatch the fear out of my thoughts. It was late at night and I was in a hotel with family having a private, muffled attack in the bathroom with a towel over my mouth. I decided to relocate my mind in a state of meditation.

            I breathed in and out allowing 5 seconds for each inhale and exhale until my hyperventilation ceased. I then tried to focus my mind on more pleasant thoughts like how I did very well on my midterm grades and that I still have all my immediate family. Instead of picturing a future of premature death and pain I forced myself to imagine my family members and myself reaching our educational and financial goals. I was able to successfully distract myself from the negative thoughts with the new scenarios that I invited into my mind. I also played my favorite songs to further cleanse my thoughts of grief. Victor Frankenstein was able to shake himself out of grieving and suicidal thoughts by reminding himself of his surviving family members; His father and Elizabeth. 

            Instead of allowing yourself to be surrounded by tragedy and be vulnerable to the negativities of the outside world, be grateful for who and what you still have. Remind yourself that your situation can evolve into a greater future. It is natural to grieve, but it is damaging when it makes you trip into a state of fear and depersonalization. This is similar to the philosophical practice of protecting yourself from external forces by controlling your internal self. The thoughts of course still roam around my mind from time to time, but I do not give them the jurisdiction to control my mood.